Bacchus you bastard

Bishkek is a city of contrasts. Not only is it as cosmopolitan hub, and home to the most beautiful women in the world, but your safety can hang on a plastic plant or a walk down the road.

The former happened last night. Somehow the plant ended up in my soily hand, so obviously I picked it. But the clarity hit when the Kyrgiz bouncer tried to push me over to his burly mates for a kicking. Thankfully I stood my ground, (which was quite surprising considering the amount of vodka consumed)and we jumped in some taxis. I think I picked it as a romantic gesture. I also think it was a silly idea. Thankfully our local friends (mainly a guy from Ilford who had taken us from his enormous expat bar to the club) sorted them out, and Jo paid 500 sum (about 15 dollars) to placate them. I must pay her back.

How I ended up naked in the hotel lift I have no idea. But I remember making eye contact wth myself and my bits in the gold lift mirror and deciding it was time for bed.

The latter happened a few days ago to our truck member Simon. Walking down the road by himself a car pulled up with 4 men inside. Claiming to be police they asked for his passport (which was at the embassy.) Showing them a copy wasn't enough, and after flashing a dodgy card at him two of them circled behind and tried to bundle him into the car. He wedged his foot between the car and the curb as another man tried to pull him in via his pants. Screaming for help (and only mothers and children as witnesses) somehow he fought them off and retreated to the safety of the Chinese eatery where we were sat. He is one lucky man. This has happened to several of our travelling friends that we met in the homestay as we have waited for our visas. One man had $3000 dollars pickpocketed during a shopping spree.

It has been a long long time since I wrote down anything. Uzbekistan was the last post and a lot has happened since then. A quick run through in list form will have to suffice because I feel rotten, humidity is high, and I need to sleep rather than sweating all over this russian keyboard. The following list is in no particular order:
1. Being pushed in an Uzbek pool at a Mozilla Firefox party (?) by Pete
2. Pushing Russian teenagers into the pool because I thought it was them.
3. Wrestling with 2 Russian 18 year old who tried to take revenge and winning, throwing them into the pool.
4. Wrestling them again and throwing them in the pool again.
5. Being thrown into the pool by 4 Russian teenagers.
6. Mopping up blood from my bleeding toes after wrestling.
7. Accidently climbing into bed with Richard. Naked.
8. Apologies.
9. Arriving in Kyrgzstan.
10. Driving to Song Kul lake, the most serene and superatural place I have ever seen.
11. Tasting fermented horse milk. (Wrong)
12. Watching a goat get beheaded, its hooves removed, then the carcass being played with during a game of goat polo. (Basically men on horseback wrestling over a dead goat.)
13. Running for the safety of a tent with Azel, our local guide, as an enormous storm broke overhead.
14. Kissing her as the rain poured and the lightning danced around the tent.
15. Failing to get visas for Pakistan in Bishkek (luckily)
16. Camping in a gorge and walking up 1500 metres to an overall height of 3500m. Amazing views and fitness supreme.
17. A fancy dress party in the gorge, me dressed as a disco wideboy (thanks for the outfit Elaine.)
18. Submitting more visa applications in Bishkek. Again.
19. New plan formulated: drive to Almaty, Kazakhstan, fly to Delhi, spend a month in India and Nepal, fly from Calcutta to Bangkok to resume usual tour route.
20. Having a lovely time with the beautiful and very interesting Cara, a traveller met in the Bishkek homestay.
21. Climbing another mountain and camping out under the stars. (The most stars I have ever seen.)
22. Back to Bishkek. Again.
23. Drank too much and nearly get killed over a plastic plant.
24. Naked in a hotel lift.
25. Eat an outrageously expensive pizza.
26. Sit in a sweaty internet cafe typing this very word.
27. Feeling sick.

Right, that'll have to do. Theres so much more to write, but it'll have to wait until chapter 2 in India. Can't wait to be back there, eating curry, and having more escapades.

Time for bed.